This last week has been a three ring circus at the office. I was still sending out empty boxes to RIFed staff when they started to come back. I sent out 85 sets, each box holding 3 to 4 return boxes, so do the math. They came back with a vengeance. I finished shipping on Tuesday morning and with each day's mail delivery I've received a mountain. I have had help from inside staff who may have been sitting idle, but that stops tomorrow. The remaining people will be sent to training classes and then off to new assignments, either on other contracts or to the field. I think we will be left with 6 inside. I cringe when I think of it, but I'll plod on.
During this past week, sleep was a very evasive scamp. It would come to me at 6:30, when my stomach was full and I was relaxing in my recliner. I'd wake with a start, head off to bed and of course, couldn't fall back to sleep. When I did get back into the rhythm I'd wake at 2:30 or so and never get back. Some nights I caught only 3 hours. By Friday I was exhausted, but slept very well that night. I did very well last night, in fact I overslept and could spend only a few minutes in my favorite weekend chat room because I went to 8:15 church. Yes, I went to church.
Paston Allen preached and he was OK. Not stellar, but at least I didn't revert to making out my grocery list. His message was on stewardship. In a nutshell - what have you done for HIM lately. It hit me right between the eyes relating to my decision to go or not to go to Russia in April. I've been struggling with the decision since I found out from Jerry, my new boss, that I could plan the trip. I think I'm gun-shy after the layoff. (They say there won't be another anytime soon, but we didn't expect to see 85 of our co-workers cut) I don't want to do anything that will put my career in jeopardy. He feels that after 90 days on the new project, we should have it running smoothly.
The last two trips to Russia made decision making easy because I 'felt' it was ok to go. The first trip I clearly heard God tell me in my ear "Go To Russia" and I went. The second trip's only apprehensions were about several of my team mates who had made the first trip difficult. :o) But this trip is not giving me a green light in my gut. This morning I asked myself if my reason for going was personal or as a disciple of the Lord. It was ashamed to say at this moment, my reasons are personal because my main reason for going it to see Lida. I don't really know any of the little kids in the orphanage any more and honestly, I don't know if I'm emotionally stable enough to get involved with another child. I have my heart full for Lida. My heart is broken because I'll never see my Sasha again. He is going to another school in another town, living with his father, quite a distance away. Unless I can find one of his pals to get word to him to come, he will not be there. So that is a distant dream also.
After the sermon I've been talking to myself to come to grips with should I go or not. I do have several more days to submit my paperwork. I'm really torn. Dear reader, if you have it in your heart, please pray that I receive guidance.
It's finally snowing. The weather guessers say only an inch or so, but at least winter is here. I really is quite pretty.
I'll be back again when I make my decision.
God bless you all.
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I'm praying for God's will for you. You know, both times I went to Mexico on missions trips, it was more for myself than anything else. In fact, the second time I went, I even told Cliff is was for a "vacation" because I was going to start my job at Kohls.
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