Farewell 2007 - Hello 2008

I haven't been very good in posting these past two months. I haven't had many positive things to post about so rather than just whining, I settled back to deal with it.

2007 was an awful year on my job. In January, the day after my birthday the company laid off more than 1/3 of its total employees. I dodged that bullet. I worked my butt off retrieving materials and equipment from more than 300 field employees. I believe that physical strain is responsible for my back pain now. In April there was another layoff and another 40 investigators left. I dodged that bullet as I did the next one in July. Seeing my coworkers and friends leave was a very hard thing for me. This past November I was transferred to another contract. I was moved from Project Coordinator to an Administrative Assistant. I had a hissy fit over being demoted, but both my boss and our Vice President assured me that it wasn't a demotion. Just a cost saving effort. They did not cut my pay. After being there for a month now, I can truly say I don't hate it, but I am working hard at liking it. The welcome and support that I received from the supervisors and my coworkers is more than I could have every expected. They have made it very clear that I am one of them now. That makes me feel good.

I've been suffering for five months now with daily back pain. My lovely new doctor, Dr. R believes it is due to advancing arthritis. I think I have to agree with her because its location is sporadic and moves. I don't know what I'd do without the devotion of my dear friend and chiropractor David. He stops by three times a week to give me treatment. My insurance does not pay him and he won't even accept the copayment allotted by the insurance company. He fusses each week when I give him his token check. He feels the majority of my pain is stress related, that I internalize all of the things around me and this causes my muscles to spasm. I'm beginning to believe him. I've been off this past week, doing nothing but following his instructions to rest. I honestly can say, my back is better.

I believe that God has blessed me with the best family of friends. BJ, David who are close by and Donna who is only a phone call or email away, my dear Dennis' daughter Debbie and my cherished niece Sandy. The love and support they give me is worth more than gold.

Next year will be what I make it.

God bless you.

More to cope with

A little over a month ago, our family lost a cousin. At that time I learned that my dearest cousin, Dennis, had a recurrance of the cancer that took his voice over ten years ago.

It came back to his throat, lungs and stomach and his doctors gave him a very aggressive chemo and radiation treatment. Last weekend, he was sent to the hospital with almost no white blood cells and a blood sugar count over 900. Either one is a killer. His daughter called this morning to tell me he is now on life support and will receive last rites of the Catholic Church at noon today, with his whole family present. The doctors say if there is not brain activity in the next 24 hours they will recommend pulling the plug.

I want to go back very badly, but when I checked the airline fares, for flights with less than 10 days advance booking, for a normal $175 round trip flight the cost is now $467. Coupled with two or three days in a hotel and car rental this trip will be well out of my reach financially.

It is breaking my heart, but I may just have to tell Debbie that I can't afford to make the trip. I hope she understands.

In the meantime, I pray for peace for his whole family. He suffered with this disease and now he is in God's care.

Please pray for him.

Why does a four day weekend.....

feel like a month? I cleaned the house, did the laundry, cleaned out a junk pile, went grocery shopping, took several naps and it's only Sunday afternoon.

I am better. Not much, but every day lets me feel a little more like my own self.

I went to the new church this morning forgetting it was World Communion Sunday. This was the first time I took communion in this church and it was lovely. A little different than the old church, but at least I was able to reconnect with my spirituality.

I've had to disconnect my Yahoo Messenger. He kept leaving me little messages, kind of like throwing the dog a bone. I finally shut the doggone thing down. I need peace in my heart, not turmoil.

Never thought I'd ever say this, but I'll be glad to get back to the office.

Till later,

This is awful.....

But I am a little better each day. Still alive, still breathing and still kicking myself in the butt for being such a fool.

Just wanted to say thanks for your prayers and let you know I'm still around.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I think it was Neal Sedaka who sang that song. And it's true.

When will I ever learn my lesson? I'm too old for this kind of trauma. I believed him and for a month I was like a girl again. But then, he dropped me. Fast and hard.

I'll be back when I can talk logically but right now, I have jello for a brain and want to isolate.

I don't think I'll ever accept a date again. I just can't.......

And life moves on

Yesterday I got a phone call from a second cousin of mine. She called to tell me of the death of another cousin. This cousin, Carol, was like a sister to me around the time my parents divorced. I couldn't have been more than 3 years old. Back in the late 30s and early 40s men didn't get custody of children in divorce settlements unless the Mother was unfit. Daddy got custody of Diane and me. Before the divorce, when Daddy found us in awful conditions, no fire in the furnace in sub-zero weather and no food or milk and no Mother around, my Dad kidnapped us and hid us amongst his Sister's children. There were 11 of them and 9 were already married and away from home. Diane and I were split up and she went to another cousin's home and I was with my Auntie Anna. Carol was her daughter who soothed my fears and cuddled and loved me back to sanity. That's around the time I quit talking and I didn't start again till I was nearly 5. Of course Daddy remarried Marge who raised me with an iron fist till she died at 50.

I really felt bad about Carol but did have one thing that brought me gratitude for going to Milwaukee last September for my high school reunion. I got to see her after, Lord knows how many years, at another cousin's house and took a picture of her.


In looking at her face, I realize there is a very strong family resemblance and I am one of the tribe. That makes me feel good because sometimes, living away from home for over 40 years, it's good to remember where I come from and who I am.

In the same phone call I got other sad news about my cousin Dennis. Dennis and I are 6 months apart and we went to high school together. We were pretty close as kids and enjoyed each other after he got married. We were good friends. He was the one who jokingly defended me when one old aunt asked "Joannie, why aren't you married yet?" Dennis piped up "Leave her alone. She's the only one who's got any sense!"

Anyway (I've never been known to ramble on LOL) Dennis' daughter called to say they have found more tumors in his neck, he has nodules in his lungs and 'tissue' in his stomach. Sounds like he's loaded with it. He and his wife are going for a consultation with the oncologist on Monday to determine the course of treatment. I pray that it goes well.

Knowing how sick he is brings me closer to my own mortality. And of course I worry as far as cancer is concerned, am I next?

Now on a fun note, I went out with the young Brazilian again yesterday. He's very nice, very cute and very young (40) but for some reason he thinks I'm gorgeous (may need glasses) and wants to see me again. I've really got to be careful with this one.

Take care dear reader.

God bless you all.

Catching up - Again

I've been very lax in keeping up with my messages but there has been not too much going on.

On Friday I had a follow up with my new doctor. I was hesitant because when I saw her 3 months ago, she said she wanted me to lose 10 lbs. Realistically, it can be done, but in that period of time I have been suffering with this doggone hip and leg. We addressed that issue first and when she realized that I had daily pain she said we needed to fix that. She gave me some Celebrex samples to see if they worked. I took one when I got home and within an hour I saw relief. By mid afternoon I felt that the pain level had been cut by 70%. It was almost like magic.

She also gave me a script for some Ambien CR because I just have not been sleeping through the night. Sometimes I wake at 2 and never get back to sleep. When I get up I'm exhausted so when I get home, I'm dead. I told her with that happening and the hip pain it was impossible for me to even walk any distance. I took the Ambien on Friday and Saturday and then did some internet research and was disturbed when I found out from comments of users that it is addictive. Some of the withdrawal stories were awful and frankly, I got scared. With my addictive tendencies anyway, I don't need any more complications. I did sleep well those 2 night and caught up on some lost sleep. I have decided I'll only use it on a 'as-needed' basis. That way if I have several nights that are bad, I can take one to get caught up.

She didn't say anything about me not losing any weight. At least I didn't gain, I stayed the same. She said she wanted to tackle one thing at a time. First was to deal with the hip thing.

On Saturday I had a blind date with a young Brazilian. Very nice, I may see him again. More to follow.

Other than that, all is well.

Happy Labor Day

Labor Day weekend is supposed to be the last fun time of the summer. Well, I've got that all wrong. I've worked more in my house this weekend than I have in 6 months. Me and my new vacuum have become very close friends.

I rearranged the furniture in the living room, vacuumed behind everything that I could move and even vacuumed the furniture. I'm having a blast with this thing. I really hope the newness doesn't wear off too soon because the house hasn't been this clean since before I hurt my back.

My niece and her Dad have gone to Savannah for the weekend. He flew in from California to spend some time with her and they are staying at a B&B there. They're going to sightsee and sample some of that fine southern cooking. I think they were planning on trying to get into Paula Deen's "Lady and Sons" restaurant. I hope they were able to. I can't wait for her to get back to find out how her interviews here in Maryland went. She didn't have time before she took off to call me. I hope it went well.

I'm welcoming the upcoming 3 day week with another 3 day weekend. I could get used to this schedule, but I fear I'll have to wait another year plus before I can cut down on my hours. But with the new CDO (Consolidated Day Off) schedule we are trying out it's good to have a 3 day weekend every other week.

I hope you all have a great Labor Day.

God bless you all.

Testimonial

Well, the Dyson does what the ads say it will do. And in my opinion - and then some. I've lived in this house for 16 years and the carpet is looking very good. It has a nap to it that hasn't been there in a long time. Of course, I've sucked up 6 bins of cat hair and I'm sure there's more, but it will come out in time. I haven't even done the dining room yet because I have been concentrating on the living room and the two flights of stairs.

Once I got used to what button to push, the wand is a breeze. And the extra tools are really great. I like the fact that the main accessories are attached to the machine so I don't have to go looking for them when I want to change functions. I vacuumed the furniture which hasn't been done for a very long time. Most likely before Rosy left.

I like 'the ball' feature too. It is very easy to maneuver. It weighs over 18 lbs and I was afraid it would be too heavy, but the big wheels and the ball make it easy for me to use. Just a twist of the wrist and it gets in places that I would have to really work to get to.

All in all, I am very pleased with my purchase and I think it's well worth the money.

Catching up - again

I know it's been awhile since I posted anything. It's a combination of many reasons. Mainly, nothing new has happened in my life. But secondly, I've been fighting pain for more than a month and I'm becoming weary with it. I have an appointment on the 7th with my new doctor and I'll address the issue with her. I am beginning to think there are underlying causes to the pain that I've been blaming on my back. I don't believe my back being out of alignment is what can cause muscle pain that moves from one place to another. I have my own suspicions and I'll ask the doctor about them. Until then I limp and endure.

Today is my Friday off. I really do like this schedule. I don't have a problem going in a half hour earlier, but staying to 4:00 is a strain. My brain seems to shut down around 3:20 so I just kind of coast till 4:00. I feel that I'm cheating the company for not giving them a full day but that's OK too. During the shutdown, I put in a lot of hours I didn't get paid for so we're even.

As for my job, since I've put my retirement plan in place, in my mind that is, it's made things a lot better for me. If God's plan is for me to stay there and the management will keep me, I'll work full time for the rest of this year and all of next and then in 2009, I'll look at things and consider part time. I know, now, that if I were to stop working all together, I'd make myself crazy. I will have to keep myself busy and my brain active. If I can continue to work so close to home and maybe only 25 hours a week, that would generate enough capital for me to pay for supplemental health coverage (the company will only allow full time employess to participate in the health program)and still have a little left over each pay period. By that time, my car will be paid for and there will be an additional $300 in the budget. So knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, the office is no longer a prison in my mind.

My niece Sandy is also job hunting. She's had 2 interviews in the past month and these are possibilities for relocating. One would be back to California and one would be to close to me, Maryland. Of course, you know what I'm hoping for. When I think of the possibility of her living here, my heart just plain jumps with joy. Being in California, it would put her only 2 hours away from her Dad and brother, so for her it's a mixed bag. I only hope that one makes her an offer, because they both are a chance for advancement. She's a very talented and smart lady and I want the best for her.

Other than that, I am fine. Still waiting for my new vacuum to be delivered. I am hoping for today, since it's my day off and I can play with all of the attachments.

God bless you all.

A Household Investment

I have decided to order a Dyson. I'll have to take money out of savings to do this, but as with other household things purchased, my thinking is, that's what the savings account is for.

I've done some research and done a lot of surfing and I've found a site that offers the best prices along with free shipping.

I've decided on the Dyson DC15 Animal. It's the one that also called "The Ball" I like this one because it's advertised to be easier to handle and that is swivels around things. I think with my limited mobility this is the one for me. It also comes with all of the attachments. The site says the retail price is $669.00 and their price is $484.00. I consider that quite a bargain.

I'm going to order it on the 20th of the month. The 19th is my VISA card's cutoff date. That means I won't be billed until September 19 and payment will be due by October 19.

I really think this is a good idea for me. I'll be giving my relatively new Electrolux Canister model to David and Sharon. He said they can use it on one of the multiple levels of their home. Then she won't have to drag a vac from one floor to another.

If a vacuum can make one excited, this one did it :o)

God bless you all.

First Friday Off....

I could really get used to this. Yesterday was my first Friday off on our new FlexWork scheduling. I woke at my usual time, a little after 4 but I stayed in bed and tried to fall back to sleep.

That was a mistake because my 'roommates' knew I was awake and either sat on my head or walked across my chest in hobnail boots - or both. They really are funny. One or the other will stand over my face, peering into my eyes with a look that clearly says "You're awake. You're going to feed me now, right?" To aggravate them I'll just turn over and close my eyes. Of course, I can only do that just so many times or there will be a rebellion.

I told myself that I didn't have to do anything yesterday so cleaning my room made it easier because I didn't feel pressured into doing it. I am very ashamed to say it really was dirty. Not messy, just plain dirty. Furniture needed dusting and rugs needed vacuuming. I did my room and bath and today I'll try for my dressing room and the big hallway. If I plan it right, I should be done by 11:00.

Tonight, BJ, David's wife, Sharon and I are going to the Michael Buble concert. Sharon also loves Mikey, as BJ and I have named him, so it will be a fun time for us. I am looking forward to the evening out. I always have a good time with those two.

No responses on the 7 resumes I sent out last week on ads I saw on the net. I'll try again this next week. What I'd really like is a job where I would work 3 days a week, maybe 4 but would be eligible for health insurance. That would provide the coverage I need and would give me something to do. When I took this job my intention was to have a job with no guts or responsibility to it. It didn't take long for them to find out what I could do. That was my big mistake for not keeping my mouth shut. I'd like something as receptionist or switchboard operator - part time (with insurance bennies). I may pursue that.

It also seems on long weekends when I don't have to stress over work, my back gives me less trouble. Yesterday, even with a little physical work, my pain level was down by 70%. I think I tend to internalize my stress issues and carry it in my lower back.

I'm looking forward to a nice day today.

God bless you all.

Something new....

Today is the first day of my new, 9 hour day work schedule. We are trying out a pilot program called Flex-week. We work 8 nine hour days and one 8 hour day and we get every other Friday off. Having a regular three day weekend sounds heavenly to me.

Working an earlier start is no biggie for me. My new start time is 6:30 whereas my previous time was 7:00. I usually got in the office between 6:30 and 6:45 anyway, so I only had to adjust it by 15 minutes, but staying till 4:00 will be the hard part. I like to go home early. That last 30 minutes will be lost time because my brain shuts down around 3:00. I won't tell management that :o)

More later.............

God bless you all.

A Friday Off :o)

I took a vacation day, today. I needed to get 'that place' out of my head. I had forgotten about the game of politics that is played in a large company. My present job affords me the luxury of being part of a 3 person team, with the other 2 being management. That means I compete with nobody in my unit. HA!! There are still others in the company that tend to torpedo me and make things difficult for me. I am very blessed that both of my bosses 'have my back'. They know what I can do and that I generally mind my own business. It's all that piddley assed crap that gets to me. I know I should just let it go - that's why I've taken a 3 day weekend.

Speaking of 3 day weekends, the management is introducing a pilot program called FlexWeek. We would work 8, 9 hour days, one 8 hour day and have every other Friday off. The one bad thing with that is that the approved hours start at 6:30 and I'd have to work till 4:00. I don't really like the 4:00 out time, but like everything else, I'd get used to it. The 6:30 start time is no biggie because I usually get to the office around 6:40-6:45 anyway, so I'd just have to adjust by 15 minutes. And the pleasure of having a 3 day weekend twice a month is glorius. I've filled out the request form and passed it along to our VP who has it 'under consideration'. I don't know what's to consider. I am my department and my being away impacts only me. But he is fighting a corporate battle to hold onto his power, so let him consider..........and I thought women were wierd in Corporate Management.

I'm loving this day off. I've got some laundry running now (that way I don't have to do it tomorrow), I'm reading the last edition of Harry Potter and I'm enjoying the day. It's hot and t'storms are forecast, but right now it's sunny and looks lovely outside. I have a dinner date at 6:00 with my former coworker Catherine. Her hubby and 2 sons are going away for the weekend and she emailed me asking if I wanted to meet up. Of course I do. I love to spend time with Catherine. She's a breath of fresh air to me.


On Tuesday of this week I had the pleasure of having dinner with my lovely niece Sandy. She was in town for a conference and we met in Arlington. Her birthday had been on Saturday so I had a little gift bag for her and she was delighted. I love being with her and miss her so much when she goes back home to Atlanta. She had an interview on Wednesday for a position that has the opportunity for advancement. She would have to move back to California, but she says that's no problem. She loved living in LA when she moved East, and I think secretly she has always been a California Girl. She would be a lot closer to her Dad and brother and could be spending more time with them. She also had kept in touch with friends so she really wouldn't be alone. She said the interview went well and that the interviewer even asked her to meet with the CEO, which lasted for about 30 minutes. That's a good sign. I hope, that if it is God's plan for her, that this opportunity works out for her. She's getting stale in Atlanta and I think she's really very lonely there. She is very busy, but she misses family being close to her and the comfort of a 'squeeze'. (Boy do I ever know that feeling).

I'm looking forward to Sunday and going to Floris Methodist again. I want to investigate their programs and see if there is something that might interest me. I'd like to see what their mission program is like too.

So that's what's going on with me.

God bless you all.

Friday the 13th - but I missed the ax again

Yesterday, another 30 or so of my coworkers were laid off. We lost 12 of our field investigators and the various departments were mandated to cut at least 10%. People's who case work numbers were not up to par or those who were the 'last-in' were cut.

Sometimes I scare myself, because if I remember correctly, that's the reason I postponed my November trip to Brazil. I had a feeling that the ax would fall again. Luckily, it missed me again. I felt bad once again, saying goodbye to my favorite supervisor and to the new friends I have made on the floor since I moved into their midst. They have all been very receptive towards me.

I got the list late in the day Friday, so on Monday I'll have to get busy at working to retrieve our materials and equipment. It will be an easier task, being the 4th time I do this, this year. Once was the big layoff in January, second was the contract shut down in February, third was another little layoff in April and now this one. One of the other managers said to me in passing "this cut was so deep, now we are down to marrow."

I prayed that those affected would be OK and the young people with families will bounce back.

God bless them all.

One More Day

My little respite is nearly over. I go back to work tomorrow. I took Thursday and Friday as vacation days and believe me, I needed the break. Even though I was away, an email upset me and I have to face a dragon when I get in tomorrow. It nearly ruined my time off, but I have nobody to blame but myself. I have to beat a problem to death before I can let it go. Geeesch, sometimes I'm a pain in the butt. The problem is resolved, but I was grinding and grinding about how and why it happened. I wish I was not like that.

The new carpet shampooer arrived on Thursday so I spent Friday and Saturday working on the downstairs living quarters. I must say, the customer reviews were correct. It's easy to use and maneuver and it does a very good job. One problem is that it does such a good job, I didn't stop when I should have, so I overdid a little bit and my back complained. I was finished yesterday by noon so I cleaned myself up and sat back in my chair, with the heating pad. That really helped. Today I feel good with only a little twinge here and there. The carpets look great as well as the first stairway. Next week, I'll do the upstairs and the upper stairway. Those carpets aren't as soiled as the downstairs, so it won't take as long. It's amazing how something like cleaned carpets can change an outlook. If I invested in an interior paint job and some new window treatments, I think I would be very happy. This place hasn't been painted in at least 7 years, so it does need it.

Steve was supposed to put in new kitchen floors but it hasn't happened. Realistically, the most I can see him doing is putting in new vinyl flooring. I saw some vinyl squares that resenble stone, so that might work. He and Theresa have to gone to upstate New York to visit her family. He always has such a nice time there, I'm glad he went. But, I do worry until I know they are both home safe and sound. Traveling by car on the 4th of July weekend tends to make me edgy.

Today I'll go to church, get groceries and pack lunches for the week. Then I'm done and the day is mine. I think I'll just chill.

God bless you all.

Heavy weather this afternoon.

See why I didn't fly the flag today...

In looking at the video in the blog, I can't figure out why it plays so choppy. It plays just fine in the computer. I guess I better go back and read the directions.

Three cheers for the red, white and blue

Today is the 4th of July and since we have thunderstorms in the forecast, I'm not putting out my flag. I just don't want it to get wet. I miss it when the weather is not good on holidays. I like to sit in my living room and see it flying proudly from the deck rail. I like to see it when I leave the house and on the return, it's flying in the breeze. I'm a real nut. It draws tears when I see an honor guard in a parade or sports event. I'm very proud of my flag.

I've taken 2 days vacation and am making a very long weekend out of the holiday. I need some time to get away from the office. It's beginning to hurt my brain. I've been appointed by our Chief Operating Officer (COO) to conduct an inventory and search of missing computer equipment.

I have to be Switzerland in this exercise. I can't take sides. Both IT (the home of all computer equipment in the company) and the former OPM contract are amiss in security and record keeping issues. They both hate me right now because I am uncovering some embarrassing procedures or lack of, and the COO isn't very happy about it. He has, however, made it very clear to both sides of the issue as well as my former boss, that he trusts me and my judgement. He had some very complimentary but embarrassing things to say about me in their presence. (I wanted to crawl under the table) But it made me feel good to know that I have the number 3 person in the company supporting me that way.

Because of this, I work harder for him and I think he knows it. My present boss, Jerry is tickled that the COO is supporting me and he feels I can get the 'missing' number down a lot lower. I don't believe any of the missing equipment has been stolen. I think it's been squirreled away in a corner or is in an office. It's amazing how they keep uncovering boxes of materials or things found in drawers. There is no control or organization over hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of equipment.

That's why I'm taking a few days off.

I have nothing planned. I slept till 7:00 this morning and plan to just hang out today. I have a steak thawing and that will be my 4th celebration dinner. Other than that, me, my computer and tv plan a wonderful day.

God bless you all and God bless America.

:: drags out the soap box ::

Another Tragedy - what sadness.....

Yesterday it was announced that they found a body - a body they think is Jessie Davis. Her boyfriend is in custody and will be charged with double murder.

It brings to mind the Lacey Peterson case. All the hype and speculation just enhances the fact that somebody killed a pregnant woman and her baby. What drives a man to something so horrendous to kill two people?

It destroys more than two lives. His life is shot to hell, his family is, no doubt, grieving. Her family is suffering the loss of two lives as well as her friends. Her child has lost his mother as well as his father who will most likely spend the rest of his days in prison. Do the math - that's a lot of lives messed up because of a stupid act.

I know I'm rambling, but it just makes me angry and very, very sad.

Rest in Jesus - both of you.

OH GOOD GRIEF - Decisions

After being completely disgusted with the condition of my carpets, I hauled out my old carpet shampoo-er. It is almost 8 years old and it had been in the closet for nearly 2 years and before that maybe 3 years. To make a long story short, the doggone thing is not working. I had trouble with it from the beginning. It's a Bissell and had a good reputation. I bought it at K-Mart the summer that I went to work for the Twit. That was 1999. Seals gave away, I had to have them replaced, the hose sprung a leak and the little valve that regulates the detergent and water worked sporadically. In a nutshell, I never really like it. It was heavy and cumbersome to use.

One way or the other, the carpets are making me crazy and need to be cleaned. Now, do I spend $250+ to have them cleaned (once) or do I buy a new machine? (That means I have to do it) I've looked at QVC and Googled carpet cleaners and found a Hoover on Amazon. It has good reviews and the thing I like most is it has 5 little revolving brushes that should dig down into the pile and clean the crap out. The retail value of this particular machine is $239.99 and Amazon wants $179.00, free shipping and no taxes.

I know, what's the decision? Basic Economics says to buy the machine. If I get it, it will go on my Visa card and the billing cycle just passed, so that means I will get billed on July 19 and it won't be due till mid August. Uh Duh!!

I'm still hesitating so I put it in my Amazon shopping cart and will keep researching.

Geez.........sometimes I'm so blonde!!!

God bless you all.

Naps and Cookies - what a wonderful idea :o)

I read a blurb this morning on the MSN page about sleep. It was asked if, as we age, do we require less sleep. The answer said not necessarily because elderly people tend to have other ailments such as apnea, etc.

Now, what's that got to do with naps and cookies? The article also said that as children we were pacified with cookies or if really rotten, we were made to take a nap.

I'm all for that!!! Pass the cookies and my bankie. :o)

A couple of things......

Nothing earth shattering, but fairly important.

The influx of new cases to the office has slowed things down on one of the contracts that we manage. (Remember I am part of a unit that manages the contracts. I don't work on a contract anymore) This means that there are many administrative personnel with nothing to do during the day. The company is offering a 'free week' to these people. In essence it is a week off, with pay, not to be deducted from their accrued vacation time. They must stay with the company for a year but if they leave the company, that time will be deducted from the vacation time or deducted from their salary at that time. If they stay the year, they still can use their regular vacation time. If things don't accelerate in about three weeks, there may be leave-without-pay mandated or God forbid, another lay off.

Now, Jerry, my boss has assured me that at this time, I'm bullet proof. I appreciate the fact that he has told me this, but after seeing two layoffs so far this year, I am a bit edgy. I've decided to put off my Brazil vacation for at least 6 months. I just can't see committing to a $5K trip to be taken in November if there is even a shadow that I may not have a job then or even a new job that would offer me no vacation at that time. I've waited this long to make up my mind, six more months won't matter.

I have a week now, I may plan a trip in July or August. I'd like to go to the beach somewhere. Maybe the Outer Banks, or visit some friends in Myrtle Beach. There are many possibilities so I'll be looking into that possibility.

Other than that, my week was uneventful. I've been suffering with back pain again. My dear friend David has been working his magic with deep tissue/muscle therapy. It really does help, but if I turn the wrong way or bend I easily set the muscles into spasms and that is brutal. On Monday, I came home bent like a pretzel and hardly able to walk. We've been working on fixing that all week.

I call my doctor on Wednesday for the results of the polyp biopsy. I am edgy about that, but going on the old adage that no news is good news.

God bless you all.

Procedure done with - for 3 years, that is.

The prep was the killer!!! The liquid didn't taste bad (I chose the cherry flavoring) but its consistency is what gets you. ACK!! It's slippery. One must consume 8 oz of the crud every 15 minutes until 2 litres are drunk. I flew through the first 4 glasses but then very quickly slowed down. After that, I had to wait 20 to 25 minutes to be able to swallow more. I did manage to down the 2 litres and everything moved right along. :o)

Next morning, BJ picked me up at 8:00 and we arrived right on time at 8:30. I can't begin to tell you how nice, polite and kind everyone at the hospital treated the patients. It eased my angst and having BJ there was an even greater comfort to me.

I had thought I would be awake, but in a drowsy state. Thanks you Jesus, I was OUT. They explained that I might have the sensation of lights or even hear talking but to my pleasure, I heard or sensed nothing. I was told to take a few deep breaths. I can remember starting to take the second and I woke up 35 minutes later.

As suspected, for a person my age, there were several polyps which were removed. But one was 1cm+ so it had to be sent away for biopsy. I am told that most polyps of this size may develop precancer or cancer cells and 25% of them do. So once again, I wait for results.

I am so grateful to Dr. R. for sending me to Dr. L. He is very understanding and compassionate and conveys it to his patients. At least he did to me. He said he felt that I had come at the right time - - had I waited any longer I may have been in trouble. I'm glad I did.

The worst part of it all was the prep, as I had been told. I'm not looking forward to doing it again but when the time comes, I'll do it with little or no reservations. It's a helluva way to lose 4 pounds in one day.

Other than that it has been an uneventful week.

God bless you all.

ARGHHHH - The dreaded colonoscopy

Well, Dr. R was right. I really liked the gastroenterologist. In fact I have scheduled the dreaded 'procedure' for next Wednesday at 9:30 AM. I'm still not sure how he got me to consent to do it, but he is very kind, very compassionate and very understanding. He didn't flinch when I told him that I was afraid of the results, what with my family's cancer history and all. He looked me right in the eye and told me he understood. I liked that. So after 7 years of fighting, I'm going to do it.

Well, my dear friend Donna has done it again. I keep on saying I usually don't do this stuff and here I am again, doing 'this stuff' :o)

I will tell you 9 things that you don’t know about me, only 8 of them are true. Can you guess which one is not?

1. I graduated from high school at age 17.
2. I have had 10 cats in my lifetime.
3. I own a cemetary plot in Wisconsin.
4. I was terrified to travel to Russia.
5. I wasn't terrified when I went to Brazil.
6. I am myopic in one eye and astygmatic in the other.
7. My longest held friendship is with a gal in Wisconsin - 64 years.
8. I do like to work.
9. When I travel I hate to come home.

OK there you are - have at it.

God bless you all.

Holiday Weekend

Can't say that I've had much to say lately or that much has happened, but it seems as though I've been busy. Friday, the powers that be at work, gave us 'early out' (2 hours) for our fine work in these past few difficult months. That meant I got to go home a little after 1:00PM. And I sure did. I think I walked thru my front door at 1:20. I left at 1:15. LOL

Work has been OK. Once again, nothing stellar but considering all, I still am blessed. Two big points are the commute and the early hours I am able to choose. I have heard from one of the staff involved in the Jan 11 RIF. He was looking for Chris' phone number, in hopes of interesting him in coming on boardwith the company he is with. It's another competitor, about the same distance away, but in another direction. He told me to send my resume to him and he would pass it along. He said they desperately need help and was sure I would hear back. I am thinking about it. David commented 'it's always good to test the waters'. I guess that way one can always see what's going on out there. I do become frustrated with the lack of organization in my new position, but compared to the micro-management I was under previously, this is a picnic.

My boss had commented that my workspace seemed very cramped when he saw what I needed to store in my immediate area. He asked our facilities department if we could reconfigure my cubicle and in talking, it seemed workable. I would have been very pleased with the plan drawn up. Well......it seems as though the steel framework of the cubes would not allow the configuration we had pictured. Instead I got about 3 more feet of space. It's very big and when I finished rearranging things, it is very nice. I think it will allow me a better chance to be more efficient and at least I can breathe.

My dear friend BJ underwent her surgery on Tuesday. I visited her on Wednesday and she looked surprisingly good. Her color was good and her eyes were clear. To me, it appeared that she has already lost weight in her face. She was released to go home on Thursday and yesterday we had a nice phone conversation. She sounds like she gets winded easily but that's to be expected 4 days after a major operation. When I found out what this whole process entails I really have a newfound respect for her and her decision. Her entire life style will change as well as he shape. I wish her well and she sends thanks to all for the prayers said for her and her medical team.

Today there is a cookout as a farewell for the gal (and hubby) who was my roommate on my last trip to Russia. I'm looking forward to getting out and seeing the group of people I travelled with to Russia. I want to hear all about the last trip.

I won't be going to Russia again. The trip is just too long and hard and the accommodations, although clean, really offer no comfort. A bed (lumpy), a jon (rather archaic) and a shower (with very little hot water).

I did get my test results back from my new doctor, Dr. R. I think I will like her and be able to build a good rapport. My cholesterol is up (238) but not as high as I had expected it to be (260+). She put me back on Zocor at a higher dosage than Dr. Quack had me on. I must go back in 90 days for more blood work. She also wants me to lose some weight. She would like to see 20 lbs in a year. I can do that, if I put my mind to it. On a broad spectrum, that's less than 2 lbs a month. My problem is that my right hip and leg are giving me a lot of pain and I really can't walk farther that a little over a quarter of a mile before it starts to spasm and pain me. I am going to search SparkPeople.com for some stretching exercises. I think if I start there, I may have some luck.

Other than that, nothing is new. Life is more-or-less good and I'm fairly contented.

God bless you all.

Catching Up

I've had a busy week and a half, which is good. A couple of things worth mentioning have happened.

First, I found a new doctor. I picked her from our new insurance carrier's list of participating physicians. She is located about 2 miles from my house and that's important when I want to see her during a work day. She graduated from Loma Linda Medical School in '87 which means she's experienced but not too old.

She spend about 45 minutes with me in my first visit. I appreciated that and when she asked me why I was changing doctors I hedged because I didn't fell I wanted to badmouth Dr. Quack too much. I did tell her about the last episode about the lost appointment. She said she would have been upset too.

When we started to discuss my medications she asked about the 10 mgs of cholesterol medication he had prescribed for me. I, of course, said it was because I needed to lower it. She said that the lowest dosage usually prescribed is 20 mgs and really seemed surprised with the lower dose from Dr. Quack. That had me puzzled.

The following morning I stopped by their office to have blood drawn and I am now awaiting the results. This was only last Friday, so I may hear something today. I'm curious to see what she will prescribe.

She would like me to lose 20 lbs and was pleased when I told her I was working on it. I really like her and hope that we can build a good relationship.

And speaking of health issues, David is doing very well. He is still in the trial and error phase of his insulin program. One day he's up and the next he's normal. His doctor says this is normal and to monitor it. Now that he is on the road to recovery it's amazing how bad he looked when he got sick. It happened so slowly and gradually that it wasn't noticeable. Now he looks great. He has a glow about him and his skin has lost that awful pallor. He has lost about 20 lbs and I laughed because as much as I like the trim David, I'm used to the 'round' one. I'm just happy he is getting well.

And more health issues, BJ is having surgery one week from today. She's having a gastric bypass and will be off work about 2 weeks. I was very happy to hear this because her health in general is not good. She is asthmatic, has severe thyroid problems, her knees and ankles are troublesome and of course, weight induced OB/GYN problems. I pray that this is a success and my friend can get healthy.

Other than that, work is fine. The new position seems to be OK. I'm still bored to pieces, but that beats the alternative.

God bless you all.

David's Diagnosis

I had mentioned a few posts ago that my dear friend David was not feeling 100%. He had a needle biopsy and is still awaiting results.

Something has made me very very angry. I guess in a nutshell it's doctors in general. David and Sharon his wife, paid dear friends a visit on Sunday. One is a nurse and he took some of the bloodwork results along for her to interpret. She read them and explained some of the readings to David and for the fun of things she took a glucose reading. His blood sugar levels were over 500!! This is close to diabetic coma readings. She had her husband take him to the emergency room immediately.

He was triaged around at 3:00PM and was released around 10:30PM. He was administered 3 bags of saline solution and had blood drawn for 3 different blood workups during that time, as well as an EKG to monitor heart function. When he was released his blood sugar was down to around 200+ which still was high, but better than earlier in the day. The hospital made an emergency appointment with his GP for 9:00AM the next day and once again his doctor looked at him, his results and couldn't come up with a diagnosis.

The hospital had also made an appointment with an endocrinologist for Wednesday. Well hallelulah!! They took a urine test and a blood test and he announced that David is diabetic. I really don't think a took a rocket scientist to see that. This doctor has put him on 4 insulin shots per day and of course a diet plan to follow. He is to return in one week to see how his body has stabilized. Then they will determine the insulin regimin he will follow.

It just amazed that all of those other doctors missed the obvious. Me - not a medical person - was able to Google 'symptoms of diabetes' and found a list of 7 things. David had 4 things on that list and in talking to him, he revealed 2 more. As the medical community was being cavalier about a diagnosis, my friend was getting sicker and sicker.

The new doctor said he feels that there will be no findings once they receive the results of the needle biopsy on his liver. David likes this doctor and is impressed that he spent over 30 minutes with him talking to him and getting to know him. I liked that too.

Through it all my prayers and those of my friends supported David and he thanks all.

So do I.

God bless you all.

Once again - I usually don't do these :o)

My dear friend Donna comes up with the best stuff in her journal. That's why I don't miss a day reading either one of them.

Here's a fun Meme

A-Available or Single? Unfortunately Prince Charming has lost my address. I'm single.
B-Best Friend: I would have to say my late sister Dian was my best friend. I still miss her very much. But as of this point in my life, I have several that I consider dear enough to be considered the 'best'. In alpha order, BJ, David, Donna, Jim (even though he's in the slammer)and Steve.
C-Cake or Pie: Both - Death By Chocolate Cake and my Apple Pie. I've just taken to baking apple pie in the last year and found it to be very easy if I use a premade crust.
D-Drink of Choice: My morning coffee. That first sip is like ambrosia.
E-Essential Item(s): My iPod, my Avalon, my computer. Oh good grief and Makeup!!
F- Favorite Color(s): Red, blue (turquoise)
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Both - I have a sweet tooth.
H- Hometown: Milwaukee, WI - I've only been back 3 times in over 40 years. I returned last September for my 50th high school reunion. I was so surprised to see how things have changed, but when I drove through my old childhood neighborhood, I was able to find several tender memories hiding in the new things created out of the old.
I- Indulgence: Clothes and jewelry. Having been a post depression child, I wore hand-me-downs until I was in my late teens. Once I could afford it, I built a wardrobe - and haven't stopped yet.
K- Kids: None human - the three I live with have 4 feet each.
L- Life is incomplete without: God - love
M- Marriage Date: Pending
N- Number of Siblings: 1.5 My father married my mother who had a daughter before she was married to my dad. I didn't know her at all and she surfaced after my step-mom died. My relationship with her was not stellar. She was nuts and a liar. No more need be said.
O- Oranges or Apples? Oranges for eating and apples for pie.
P- Phobias/Fears: Phobia - elevators. I have a thing that makes me want to faint if I look at the floor register. My brain tells me I'm locked in a little room and I can't get out. Fears - Heavy weather - something I can't control. We had a tornado hit nearby and I was scared to pieces because there was nothing I could to do stop it.
Q- Favorite Quote: I'm at a loss for this one. What keeps coming to mind is IS 41:13 and that's not a quote.
R- Reasons to smile: This could take awhile. Bossa nova music, sunshine, flowers, baby animals, my pets, those I love, not having to go to work.........
S- Season: Summer - at the beach
T- Tag Three: Don't know of three to tag.
U- Unknown Fact About Me: I'm afraid I'll die alone. I worry who will take care of my kitties.
V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? I guess I am a carnivore at heart. I gotta have my meat. Any kind.
W- Worst Habit(s): Being overly judgemental before I know all of the facts. I've had to eat many words.
X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? Either one, but if I have to have one it means something's wrong and that would upset me.
Y- Your Favorite Foods: Seafood although I'm not supposed to eat it because of the cholesterol count, pizza, pasta, veggies, cookies and chocolate.
Zodiac - Capricorn - all the way.

Welcome the Weekend

I slept in till 7:30 this morning. Spent an hour on the phone with my friend Steve, talking about absolutely nothing. Did some laundry, took a nap and now it's time to fix dinner.

Not that I worked that hard this past week, but I just seemed tired and glad to see the two day hiatus. The high pollen count could have something to do with my being tired. Lethargy is a big complaint I have at allergy time. It tends to knock me out.

My dear friend David had a needle biopsy done on his liver this past week. Of course, there are no results yet. Two weeks ago they took 8 vials of blood for testing, and they were all inconclusive. The doctor said there is something wrong, they just don't know what it is yet. He is worried and so am I. His GP asked him to try to lose some weight and he is down 30 lbs. He says whatever it is, he has no energy and seems to be always tired. I pray it's only a malfunction of something with nothing more seriously wrong.

My cholesterol is back up. I quit taking my Zocor to see exactly what would happen. In 3 weeks, it has risen to 200. But in all honesty, this past week I ate everything that was not nailed down. I did not practice my program and picked up 3 un-needed pounds. We had a luncheon at work for a co-worker who is leaving. There was just too much food, as their always is. I ate a little bit of everything that I wasn't supposed to. I had chicken, french fries, mac and cheese, the cheesy potatoes I made, a ham and cheese sammy on a croissant, pizza, chips, salsa and dessert three times. I didn't eat dinner that evening and if I remember correctly, I only had coffee for b'fast the next day. And then there were the left overs. I can see why my cholesterol is up. So for the next 7 days, I am practicing my program and watching very carefully what I put into my body. So far for today, I have taken in only 9mg cholesterol. I'll take in about 70 for dinner because I'm having a grilled pork chop. Next Friday I'll take another cholesterol test to see where I am and if I'm still up, I'll go back on the Zocor (I have a 35 day supply) and start searching for another doctor.

The weather was supposed to be very warm and sunny today, but we have overcast skies and maybe 68 degrees. Tomorrow should be nicer. I'll go to Floris for the 8:00 service, do a little shopping for (cholesterol free) groceries and enjoy the rest of the day.

Monday, my boss will be back in the office. I don't mind him at all. So far, he is very easy. He gives me a task and leaves me alone. I like that.

Nothing more is new, dear reader.

God bless you all.

I May Have To Eat My Words.....

I went to Floris Methodist this morning for the 8:00AM service. The senior pastor, Tom Berlin was in Africa participating in their mission CRC, Child Rescue Center in Bo, Sierra Leone. Pastor Barbara Miner did the service and preached the sermon.

Now I've got to say, this has been a very bad week for us, here in Virginia. It seems as though there are many students and alumni of Virginia Tech in the congregation. She asked for students and parents to stand, then for alumni, then those who have friends at VT and then those who prayed for those killed, wounded and their families. It was everyone in attendance.

Her message was clear. God knows of our suffering. We are his children. We are Easter people. She did a wonderful job. She was personal yet not offensive. I listened to her speak. Her words were comforting and knowledgeable. She held my attention. She made me feel comfortable being there and I felt at home. I'll go back again - even on another Sunday when she preaches. I just might like her.

I'll go back next week.

God bless you all.

Samba rhythms......... :o)

Leave it to me. If there's Brazilian music out there - I'm gonna find it.

In order to utilize my iPod, I was required to load iTunes on my computer. At first I was a little hesitant, but as I've learned to use the website I don't mind it at all.

I noticed a button that said 'Radio' so I pushed it and scrolled through all the different types of music offered. And of course I found it. Radio Brasil.....I let it play for awhile and then I noticed it was coming through iTunes from its own website. I shut down iTunes and found the website and it's great. It's like XM radio on AOL but it's broadcast from Brasil. I am familiar with most of the songs, but I am being introduced to the new Brazilian sound and it's not bad at all.

Oh be still my Samba-ing heart. I LOVE IT!!!

A very sad week

I can't begin to express the sadness and anger I feel over the events of this past week. I am sad for the people killed by the Korean student and their families trying to understand it all. I am angry at the media, once again, for the overkill they create in an awful time such as this.

I feel sadness for the shooter, who obviously had problems that went untreated. His unhappiness and torment must have been awful. (Will he have peace in death? Will he earn a place with God because of his illness?)

I feel very sad for his family, who came to this country for a better life. Hard working people trying to raise their kids and live a quiet life. They too have lost a loved one in all of this but the acts have bestowed them with shame and guilt and in the Asian culture, dishonor. They live in Centreville, just a short way from my own home. Several of those killed went to the high school that is only two miles away. Once again this quiet community grieves.

And now I come to my anger. The media is relentless with its pursuit. The same pictures and interviews have been rebroadcast over and over again. What is it about seeing people in grief sobbing with tears streaming down their faces? This isn't news!!!

They have dogged the neighborhood in which the shooter's family lives. They have made it necessary for the homeowner's association to forbid cars other than residents' to enter the streets surrounding the quiet townhome. They continue to show pictures of the front of an empty house. This isn't news!!!

It was necessary for me to drive to the UPS depot, which took me past the high school. TV satellite trucks with telescoping antennae on their tops, several groups of 8 or more reporters crowded both sides of the street, photographers with cameras draped around their necks cavalierly strolling across the street forcing all traffic to come to a halt, almost daring them not to stop. This is news???? The high school, through the local police district, placed the building off limits to the press and tv stations. It was turning into a circus.

I know this was a hugh news story, but respect for the dead and the families, on both sides of things, is necessary. I hate to see what's going to happen once they start to have funerals.

My heart is so heavy. All of those lives stopped so quickly. God bless them all.

(An as an afterthough, we had another layoff at work this week. Twenty five of my coworkers are now unemployed. As I receive their field materials in the next week or two, I'll be saying goodbye to some very dear friends. This is sad for me too.)

A new church - maybe??

This morning I went to Floris Methodist church. I had been to this church before many years ago. In fact it was one of the first churches I attended when I moved here. They are in a new building and it really reminds me of Centreville Methodist. Same type architecture.

I was a little disappointed when I saw that this assisting Associate Pastor was a woman. I know there is another Associate that is male. But she was a, shall I say, seasoned woman. Not a recent college grad. I was impressed with her off-the-cuff morning prayer. It was not read from a script. I found that genuine. I have to spend more time there before I can say whether I like her, but I didn't DISLIKE her.

I had heard the Senior Pastor preach before and had found him ok. But today, there was something about him and his message that spoke to my heart. The sermon was about New Beginnings. Made me wonder....... I enjoyed listening to him because he did not use a script. The only time her reverted to notes was when he was quoting C. S. Lewis and scripture from Revelations. The balance of the sermon was also off-the-cuff and I felt it was well done.

I will go back there again. I felt comfortable.

God bless you all.

Spring/Winter/Spring

Mother Nature can't seem to make up her mind. Two weeks ago we had 80 degree temperatures that were short lived. This weekend they are predicting the possibility of a Nor' Easter. Heavy rains that may turn to snow and 40MPH winds. Mama Nature, you can have it.

This past week I had the 'Company Sniffles' once again. I don't think I had the flu. I had the shot so if I did have the flu, it was a scaled down version. I came home from the office Tuesday around 1:00 and slept the afternoon away. I had a subnormal temperature which can indicate the presence of a virus. I just couldn't get warm. While still at work I was wearing two sweaters, a leather jacket and a little heater next to me, and I was still shivering. I shivered well into the afternoon. I stayed home on Wednesday and rested. Thursday I did feel a bit better and had no fever so I returned to work. I still felt lousy and today I am still under the weather, but not as bad as Tuesday and Wednesday. I wish and hope for the real Spring.

Things are progressing slowly at the office. It's just the three of us - Jerry, who is the Program Manager, Godfrey, who is the Field Chief and me - the Administrative Coordinator. A fancy name for a clerk. I would like it if the guys would give me a little bit more to do. I know I'll be biting my tongue soon, but looking at the wall can get boring.

Not much else going on. I am going to try to go to a different church on Sunday. I HAVE TO DO IT. I miss church too much to stay away. I just don't like Centreville anymore. I'm going to try a different Methodist church nearby. I had visited it in the past and liked it. I really can't recall why I didn't go back. I hope I like it again.

God bless you all.

A Solution To the Dr. Saga - more or less

I've been struggling with the trip to the Dr. two days ago. I'm not angry at the office girls. Working in an office and with computers the way I do, I honestly understand how my appointment got deleted. That's not a big thing with me. It was his cavalier attitude towards me, telling me I could wait an hour an a half. It bordered on rude. I've not liked him since around the second visit, 16 months ago. At that time he gave me an annual physical, which I had never had in the past and I felt was needed, as well as a stress test and cardiogram, even though there was no indication of heart issues.

Yesterday I bought a at home cholesterol kit. I've used them before and even though they aren't 100% accurate, they can indicate if you're in trouble. A year ago, my cholesterol spiked to 261 and he threw a fit. I was put on 10mg Zocor daily and within 30 days I came down 60 points. That's pretty good, in my estimation. For the next 6 months, he had me visiting him monthly for blood work to check on my cholesterol which came down quickly and maintained normal levels. This whole time I was still taking the medication, that I never really liked taking to begin with. Yesterday, when I did the test and I registered 158. (I know, I'm raving but I had to give background to explain my decision.)

This leads me to believe that with eating more healthy food and a bit more exercise, as well as a 20 lb. weight loss, I am in better shape than I was 16 months ago. My plan is to cancel my appointment and relationship with this doctor. I did get one more prescription for Zocor for 30 days. I think I'll stop taking it, wait two weeks and do another test. If I've spiked, I'll take the meds for one more month and if I have managed to bring it back down, it will prove to ME that I do need the meds, I'll find another doc and continue on my merry way.

I have not been comfortable with this man since he sent me to a dermatologist telling me I had skin cancer on my nose, even though I told him I had it tested and analyzed as a wart and that I have had it for years. I went to the dermatologist and do you want to guess what he said? Right - a wart. My faith in my GP went down the tubes.

I am not apprehensive about this decision. As my friend Donna said, I have to like my doctor or it won't work.

Pray that I am making the right decision.

God bless you all.

Another experience with Dr. Quack

When I tell you what happened today at my appointment for my annual physical, you'll understand why I call him Dr. Quack.

First off, I had to take off work 45 minutes early to make the 3:30 Appt. It had been scheduled for 2 weeks earlier, but I got a call from the nurse saying he was going away and could we reschedule. I said ok and we set the date.

A week later, I got confused as to whether it was Thursday or Friday and called to confirm it. Indeed it was today!!! When I arrived, they looked at me sideways when I told them my name. Somehow the appointment got cancelled in the computer. Now that isn't what tee'd me off. He was standing off to one side, looked at me and said, "Well, I can do it today, but it will have to be at the end of the day." I said "It is the end of the day." He replied that he meant he would take me AFTER everyone else but I'd have to wait maybe 90 minutes. I just looked at him.

I have rescheduled for 2 weeks out, had them call in a prescription which is running low and left. I'm at a point where I am contemplating cancelling the appointment, ending the relationship and finding another doctor. His cavalier attitude and unconcern for me just won't work with me. GGGRRrrrrrrrrrr........... I just don't like him

God bless you all.

Gloomy Sunday

Today there isn't going to be much sunshine, if any at all. Of course we need the rain, but rainy days always bring me down.

I've not been in much of a mood these past couple of days and I really can't put my finger on why. Must be hormones or something.

It could be that once again I'm worrying about what kind of life I can afford for myself if I retire. I've always known that I can't stay here, in Northern Virginia, due to the high cost of living. If I want to continue to stay in this house, I'll have to keep on working. I don't know how much longer I can do that. As I grow older, my body is letting me know, it's getting older too. Arthritis is a big contributor. As long as I can stay close to my home and not have a heavy work load, I'll try to work as long as I can. I had been looking at real estate on the internet in the Southern part of the state. There are several places that might be nice.

I have a dear internet friend who lives on the Eastern Maryland Shore and in conversation suggested we get together. I had completely forgotten about Maryland and the lovely town of Easton has always been a favorite for me. I did some surfing and found several lovely places that are right in my price range so I told my friend that we should get together after the Easter Holiday. She can show me the town, where to shop, etc. which will be a great help.

The thought of selling, buying and moving is exhausting. The thought of establishing new relationships is heartbreaking because I have my wonderful family of friends here. I've lived here for 40 years. This is home to me and to leave it will be traumatic.

This is going to be one tough decision.

God bless you all.

I couldn't resist this one.

I usually don't do these, but this one looked like fun. I got it from my dear friend Donna's journal (which is my fave).

Using the first letter of your first name, give your answers.

Your Name: Joanna

Famous Music artist/group: Jobim, Antonio Carlos (My fave Brazilian)

3 letter word: Jug

Gift/present: Jewelry

Vehicle: Jaguar

TV Show: Jeopardy

Country: Japan

Boy's Name: Jack

Girl's Name: Jeanine

Alcoholic drink: Jack Daniel's, straight-neat

Occupation: Juggler

Flower: Jonquil

Celebrity: J. K. Rowling

Food: JuJuBes (there are NO J foods)

Reason for Being Late: Jumped ship

Something You Shout: Jumping Jehosephat, it's Prince Charming.

Belated St. Paddy's Day

God bless the person who invented the pressure cooker.

Today at my weekly run for groceries, I bought a reduced corned beef. It was marked down and I got a nice, one person - two meal, 3 lb cut for $2.70. Now that can't be beat. Even the cabbage was marked down.

My dear friend David had made one in his pressure cooker and said how good and easy it was. His is the type that cooks on the stove. Mine is electronic because I am afraid of the type that leaves its regulating to me. HA. So I've made all kinds of stuff in mine and have enjoyed every meal.

The beef was done in an hour. It was that good ole, fally aparty corned beef that tastes so good. I could only fit half of the head of cabbage in the cooker. I added it at the very end for 5 minutes, along with some baby carrots. When they were done, I removed everything from the pot, left the liquid and added the rest of the cabbage and more carrots, for another 5 minutes. They were just a little underdone, so I left them in the pot with the top on while I ate.

And ate I did. Good grief, after all of the food, I have to be at least one half Irish.

So now I have leftovers for one sit down meal and maybe a sammy too.

So much for my Sunday - :o)

God bless you all.

Winter has returned

Yesterday, I did something I haven't done in a very long time. I took the afternoon off. The defunct project is now over at work. They came and picked up 67 boxes of documents that the bucket teams worked so hard to assemble. My project, the recovery of company equipment and materials is down to 5 outstanding investigators, all who are TDY so I won't be seeing that stuff till the end of the month. There were 7 people in a suite that used to hold more than 60. It was like a morgue. With the weather being so nasty yesterday, overcast with freezing rain, it clearly was day to be spent home in front of the TV. I asked my boss if he had any objections to my leaving 2 hours early and since I had started at 6:30, I was able to leave at 1:00. I got out ahead of the really nasty weather and settled into a lazy afternoon. Jake and I spent some quality time in the recliner trying to see who could stay awake the longest. I think he won.

I had a bad start to the week, however. My back had been a little testy with all of the physical work I had been doing for the past month so I knew better than to try to lift something heavy. I had a big box of documents on a side cabinet and I knew I couldn't lift it so I got a chair with wheels on it and was going to slide it off the cabinet onto the chair, and then roll the chair to it's final resting place. Well - - - - as I tried to move it from the cabinet to the chair, I pulled something in my back and thought I was going to die - right then and there. At closing time I did manage to get to my car and drive myself home, but could not put any weight on my right foot because of the pain in my groin area. There are many muscles and tendons (so I am told by David)in that area and I seem to have really hurt one or two of them. It was quite a sight, me crawling up the steps on my hands and knees to get to my chair. I knew I could sit there till David got there, but I just couldn't stand. He was very upset with me for being so stupid. He worked me over for over an hour and 45 minutes. When he left I was at least able to walk, although with quite a limp. I took a large dose of ibuprophen and slept the night. In the morning I was about 75% better. Still in pain but at least I could walk. By Wednesday I was doing pretty well, but still not 100%. That evening I slept wrong and snapped something in my neck so there I was. A real mess. Thanks to David, he made an unschedule stop by my home to fix my neck. Today I'm a lot better, but still an gun shy of both my leg and my neck. It's hell growing old.

Other than falling apart rather quickly, I had a decent week. Hopefully in the coming week we'll be assigned our new office space and we can move in. It should be interesting. We are moving into hostile territory. The people on that contract don't like us at all and will like us even less, when they see we are the new management. ARRGGHHHHH - I hate this.

God bless you all.

New Do

Here is my new hair cut. I really like this one. She took a long time and seemed to be cutting each strand by itself. I hope it stays for 2 weeks so it looks good for the wedding.

Another Week Gone By....

Well, another week has passed and nothing new has happened. I gotta get a life.

Work has calmed down a bit. The shut down is almost there. The management hosted a lunch for the shut down team and passed out some bonus checks. I was thrilled to get an additional $150 this week. That is until my former boss asked if I would overnight the checks to those in the field. Nosey as I am, I looked at the amounts on those I was sending and was insulted. Mine was a token amount. And I'm sure after our last flap she felt she needed to give me something since everyone else on the team got something. Mine was a pittance compared to the $350 and $400 checks that were awarded. I know - I know. Gratitude should be shown here. I am grateful but it goes back to what I said a long time ago. "If you're not on the list, you're not on the list - and I wasn't on the list". It's very hard to look her in the eye these days. I can only wait till we get in our new space and I truly am doing my new job. (Then I'll have something new to complain about)

I think Spring has finally hit the East Coast. Yesterday it was almost 60 with a lot of sunshine. Today will be sunny too, but not as warm. I got for a haircut at noon and will be glad for it. BJ's wedding is on the 27th and by that time, the length will be just right. I'm excited about the wedding because I want my dear friend to have a happy, new life. She deserves it after putting up with me these past 5 years. I love her dearly.

I'm still thinking about the trip to Brazil. I'll have to get serious about it soon. I will ask the travel agent who did the cruise for me, to give me her honest opinions. I know she wouldn't steer me wrong. Then I will have to really curb my spending so I can enjoy this one. This trip has been my dream since I was a kid and will fulfill that dream before I get too old to enjoy it. I've more than enough time set aside so I won't lose pay if and when I go.

Other than that, I'm OK.

God bless you all.

The Soap Box - again

I've not had much to say this past week, because of all the crap that's been going on at my job. My friend Donna said she couldn't handle the stress that she had been hearing about in my postings. Well, this past week, the dragon has reared his ugly head.

People who were pleasant and cordial have turned into snarling animals, sniping at co-workers. Our Executive Team has shortened deadlines by as much as two weeks causing the team members to work longer hours and absolutely no praise. Luckily I'm not working on that end of the shut down process, but I can see what's happened to these people. I have troubles of my own with the retrieving of equipment and materials.

My former boss (remember, I was transferred to a new unit February 1) has turned into a snarling bitch (yes, I mean female dog) who has turned on me. It is not the first time that she has not supported me in a time when I needed executive encouragement. I am still too angry to go into it now, but I just wanted to vent that I have seen how stress changes people.

I pray that I can keep my big fat mouth shut until the lights go out and I can settle into my new job.

God save me.

Winter wonderland - without a camera

It's been snowing since before 9:00 this morning. Big, fat, fluffy poofs of snow. It goes in streaks. Sometimes the pace is so strong I can't see the trees across the parking lot. Sometimes it looks like it's about to stop. The weather guessers have said 1 inch. Well so far they're about 3 inches off target.

I went to the store early, before 8:00 to be sure that if it did ice over, I would have provisions. Since I'm going to have house help this week, I drew $50.00 in change. I got to gabbing with the check out girl and left the store without my cash. (Nothing new - I seem to have all the luck that way). I called the store and that particular girl was due for a break at 9:00 and they would pull her drawer at that time. Around 10:30 they called me to tell me that indeed she was over and I could claim my loot at any time.

I waited and waited thinking the snow would stop but it's just kept on coming, so drawing on my driving experience in Wisconsin, I went out in the snow. Of course it was no problem. My Avalon has the most wonderful breaking system. When it senses that I'm slipping, it takes control of the car and alternates the brakes to keep me from skidding. This is the first time I've driven in snow with this car and I must say, I'm impressed. The Toyota engineering on this one is great. As I was driving out of the neighborhood I was almost breathless at the winter beauty around me. All of the trees and bushes are covered with the big pillows of snow. I took a different route coming home to avoid the stop signs in the neighborhood and I drove through a wooded area and it was gorgeous. What a time to be without my camera. I could have won a prize.

I know it's a useless hope, but I hope it keeps this stuff up and that the feds close down their offices tomorrow. I could use another 3 day weekend. :o)

God bless you all.

This looks like fun

My dear friend Donna posted this in her journal. I thought it looked like fun. I usually don't do these things because sometimes it can become soul baring.

Name something you don't have but really want. A husband

Name something you have but don't want. Arthritis

2 favorite material possessions. My Ipod and my Avalon

What is a relationship breaker for you? A lie - once is enough.

What is the best part of your relationship with your partner? Sadly, no partner, but if I had one - everything.

Describe what sadness is to you. Losing a loved one, be it a person or a cherished pet.

Have you ever been in therapy? Good grief, NO - who needs therapy when they have cats to watch?

What is your favorite thing to do as a pick me up? Talk to my friend BJ or read Donna's journals.

Who made you laugh last? George Clooney and Julie Roberts interviewing each other on Oprah's Oscar show.

Another Friday

Sure am glad it's Friday and payday to boot. :o) Yes, it's cold and very very windy here. They tell me there were gusts up to 50MPH here. I believe it, however with all the ballast I carry, it would take more than that to blow me down.

HALLELUJAH!! I think I found a house-helper. The gal at the office that I had originally asked if she knew anybody, came to me today and said she would like to try it. We have agreed that she will come every other Thursday. This next week, I'll quit work at 2:00, take her home with me and show her the ropes and then let her do her job. If it works well, on her help-me days, I can give her a key and she can lock up after herself it I am later than usual. It's a great relief for me, because it was dragging me down, knowing I couldn't do everything. I'll still do the in between fresh ups, but having her to clean up behind me will be so helpful.

I did a dry run on my taxes and it looks OK. At least I don't have to pay. This weekend I'll do them for real and get them in the mail.

This past week I have not been eating right. I just get so busy I don't eat at all and when I get home I'm tired and eat out of the refrigerator. But tonight, I'm splurging. I am making whole grain pasta with putanesca sauce (green and black olives) with turkey italian sausage in it. I just may go head first into the dish when it's done.

Hopefully, Monday things will start even out. Next week we're scheduled to move to our new location in the building. There will only be 3 of us to start out and I think we'll be in nice space.

This weekend I'm planning on just hanging out. Usual Saturday stuff - laundry, groceries, of course my taxes. Gotta sign up for early delivery of the final Harry Potter too. (Yup - just a big kid)

Hope all is well with you dear reader.

God bless you all.

Where have I been?

I haven't posted in nearly two weeks. Where have I been? Right here....

We had some bad weather that slowed things down this past week. The government had two days with delayed start times of 2 hours late, so we observed those hours. It didn't really matter for me because I was able to maneuver through my slick streets and get to the office with no trouble at all. I did go in one hour late one morning because I prefer to drive in daylight when weather is lousy. These old eyes don't see too well.

We have been pushing ahead with the shutdown of the contract. The past 4 days I've been working on the paperwork to retrieve all company equipment from 315 people in the field. I think my temper tantrum was finally heard because I have had help with the physical assembling of the packages. In fact, my boss has spent two days putting boxes, etc. together and claims that she will finish making the other 111 over the weekend and they can go out on Tuesday. She did say that it really is hard work. (no kidding)

One nice highlight was dinner with my friend BJ at our favorite haunt, Sweetwater Tavern. For me it was a bit bittersweet because it was, more or less, the last time we will go out as 'single girls'. Her wedding is on the 27th of next month. She has planned it all herself and has everything in order. She's amazing. I'd be jumping out of my skin. She's even planned an exotic honeymoon with another wedding on that island. Isn't that romantic? I'm so happy for her because in my eyes, she deserves the best life. I can't wait for the wedding. I had ordered a gorgeous dress from Nordstrom online. When it came the sizing was off a bit. It is built for someone with a size minus double zero bustline. When I tried it on it was almost obscene. Just too much boob showing to suit me. I sent it back and was up a tree as to what to wear. Then good old QVC came to the rescue. I spotted a wrap around top in a gorgeous shade of fuscia and when it came it looked great and felt good on. I also bought a new necklace especially for the occasion which I will wear on that day. So now I'm ready.

Other than that, life here is hum-drum. Nothing stellar, but nothing really wrong. My arthritis is bothering me and the physical work that I had to do last week didn't help, but it will be ok once the weather warms a bit.

Wish I had more to say dear reader, but at this point no news is good news.

God bless you all.

But baby it's cold outside.....

Old man Winter hit us hard and heavy this weekend. This morning, at 6:20AM, when I discovered standing outside the office door that I had left my badge at home, it was less than 10 degrees. Now really!!!! This is Virginia. We're on the sunny side of the Mason-Dixon line. It's supposed to be warm. This is the sunny South. GGrrrrrrrr.....

In spite of the cold, I had a decent weekend. Saturday I received in the mail my formal offer letter, reassigning me to the new Field Operation Unit. I will be titled Administrative Coordinator and it will be basically the same duties I have been doing as Project Coordinator. The new unit is not assigned to any specific contract. We work for Corporate and will gather the data that is needed for weekly and monthly reports, etc.

On Saturday I did some laundry and cleaned the whole upstairs. (Oh I just love housework) On Sunday I went to early church, did some grocery shopping and managed to squeeze in a nice long nap, covered by my favorite furry friends. (All 3 of them jockeying to see who could get closest to my neck) Not being a sports nut, I didn't watch the Super Bowl and wasn't elated or sad over the winner/loser.

I had a conversation with my friend David about why I was so in love with Brazil. He asked if I could tell him when it was I was so captivated by the country. I related that when I was in about the 5th grade, we received Weekly Readers and National Geographic pamphlets and I saw the picture of Christ the Redeemer, standing with His arms outstreched overlooking the bay and I think at that moment I said to myself I wanted to see it, up close and personal.

With that being said David told me he thought I needed to go to Brazil. And I think I agree with him. I did some surfing and I found a few tours that looked good. One started in Argentina and ended up in Rio and then there was another starting out in Rio, going to Iguazzu Falls, a ride on the Amazon and then ending up in Sao Paulo. I think the most expensive part of the trip will be the airfare to and from the US. Everything else looks reasonable. If and when I decide I'll have my dear friend Lynn look into it. (She is the one who put the cruise together for me and got me a couple of hundred bucks off the internet price) I think it can be done for about $5K. To me, it would be worth it. At least I'd get it out of my system.

I'm thinking and praying on it.

Better oil up the Rosetta Stone and start studying. LOL

God bless you all.

Weekend's Over??

What happened to the weekend? It seemed like only yesterday it was Saturday. I look around me and see that there is not much done, yet I managed to do a lot.

Yesterday I made a trip to Target for under $80. Now that is a feat. I had cleaning supplies that needed to be replaced. Windex, Tilex, Comet - that kind of boring stuff. I took a friend's advice and bought a Clorox bleach pen to see if I could remove some stains on a white shirt and a sweat shirt. Sometimes I think I have a hole in my lip because I manage to wear what I eat. We had a pizza party at the office and I managed to drip Pepperoni goo down the front of my white shirt. Of course it was noontime and I had to walk around the rest of the day with the stain in the middle of my boobs. A neon arrow flashing on and off would have been less noticeable. Well the thingy works. I tried it on some old tomato stains on my favorite Centreville Methodist sweatshirt and they came out too. So I guess it's dribble on, Joanna.

I went out to dinner with my friend BJ and her fiance. Our usual dinner spot was so crowded there was a 2 1/2 hour wait, so we tried a new place a few doors down. It is an Irish Pub and I really enjoyed the food. Two large beef kabobs (from filet no less), ample savory polenta and a melange of broccoli and cauliflower, nicely seasoned. All for $14. I thought that was very reasonable. The only draw back (for me that is) was that there was a guy with a guitar singing Irish songs and the sound system was very loud. It was difficult to carry on a conversation. Other than that one thing, I will go back there again.

Today I awoke with a nasty headache so I skipped church. It was difficult to get moving but I managed to get out and do my weekly grocery shopping. I had just enough time to get back, shower, change and meet my nephew Chris and his wife, Dana. We met at the place that was overcrowded last night and it was a delightful lunch. I managed to keep firing questions at both of them so the conversation moved along. Not like it usually is with many blank places.

We exchanged Christmas gifts (a little late) and I received three wonderful CDs that I immediately put on my iPod. All Brazillian, I'm afraid. One is YoYa Ma and his cello, one is Joao Gilberto and one is Rosa Passos. (I know, dear reader, Greek to you) but they are all lovely. Then I received the last two books in the Mitford series, by Jan Karon, a wonderful Christian author. I had followed Father Tim through all seven of her books and missed number eight and the final one. So now, I am all engrossed with the delightful lives of those people in the North Carolina town called Mitford. I turned on the iPod and hit my recliner with my new book. It took about 20 minutes and I was gone. :o)

Now I wait for the pressure cooker to tell me my beef stew is ready. Sure do love that machine. I usually hide it under the counter and I forget about it. When I do manage to use it, I love it.

So, Monday is approaching and I can hardly wait. (UGH)

God bless you all.

Catching Up

Here I sit with a thousand things running through my mind and I have nothing to write. This past week was a blur and went by entirely too quickly. All of the RIFed investigators have returned their company owned equipment and materials and it all passed through my hands and was inventoried. It was a big job. If the company choses to shut the contract down completely, rather than just a stop-work, next week will be more of the same. Management has promised help for me. I hope so.

Last year, I visited my friend Donna in Missouri. I had the pleasure of strolling through her pasture, meeting her horse and dog and seeing with my own eyes places she has written about over the past five years or so. It was one of the most enjoyable vacations I ever had and hope to repeat it. While there, her husband Cliff took the picture below, of us standing below her cabin in the woods with the Missouri River bottom in the distance.














Recently she mentioned the snow that had fallen in her part of the country and I told her I'd like to see that view in a winter scene and she obliged.

Equally as beautiful














Today I had planned to go to the 8:15 at church. When I woke up I knew I wouldn't go so there was no sense kidding myself. I have a really nasty headache and want to knock it back to salvage the day. I have a date with my nephew and his wife at 11:30 today to exchange our Christmas gifts. We're meeting in a restaurant whose ventilation system allows very little cigarette smoke filter over into the non-smoking section. So I should be able to endure.

By the time I go to brunch, I hope to have done my grocery shopping. After that I need to get to cleaning my house. I've been putting if off and it's awful, which makes me nervous, so I better get to it.

So you see, there was very little to catch up with. I've made the decision to skip this trip to Russia and the trip to Spain at Christmas. I think I'll revisit the option of going to the Dominican Republic for BJ's wedding. It wouldn't hurt to check it out.

God bless you all.

Back to Normal ? (whatever that is)

This last week has been a three ring circus at the office. I was still sending out empty boxes to RIFed staff when they started to come back. I sent out 85 sets, each box holding 3 to 4 return boxes, so do the math. They came back with a vengeance. I finished shipping on Tuesday morning and with each day's mail delivery I've received a mountain. I have had help from inside staff who may have been sitting idle, but that stops tomorrow. The remaining people will be sent to training classes and then off to new assignments, either on other contracts or to the field. I think we will be left with 6 inside. I cringe when I think of it, but I'll plod on.

During this past week, sleep was a very evasive scamp. It would come to me at 6:30, when my stomach was full and I was relaxing in my recliner. I'd wake with a start, head off to bed and of course, couldn't fall back to sleep. When I did get back into the rhythm I'd wake at 2:30 or so and never get back. Some nights I caught only 3 hours. By Friday I was exhausted, but slept very well that night. I did very well last night, in fact I overslept and could spend only a few minutes in my favorite weekend chat room because I went to 8:15 church. Yes, I went to church.

Paston Allen preached and he was OK. Not stellar, but at least I didn't revert to making out my grocery list. His message was on stewardship. In a nutshell - what have you done for HIM lately. It hit me right between the eyes relating to my decision to go or not to go to Russia in April. I've been struggling with the decision since I found out from Jerry, my new boss, that I could plan the trip. I think I'm gun-shy after the layoff. (They say there won't be another anytime soon, but we didn't expect to see 85 of our co-workers cut) I don't want to do anything that will put my career in jeopardy. He feels that after 90 days on the new project, we should have it running smoothly.

The last two trips to Russia made decision making easy because I 'felt' it was ok to go. The first trip I clearly heard God tell me in my ear "Go To Russia" and I went. The second trip's only apprehensions were about several of my team mates who had made the first trip difficult. :o) But this trip is not giving me a green light in my gut. This morning I asked myself if my reason for going was personal or as a disciple of the Lord. It was ashamed to say at this moment, my reasons are personal because my main reason for going it to see Lida. I don't really know any of the little kids in the orphanage any more and honestly, I don't know if I'm emotionally stable enough to get involved with another child. I have my heart full for Lida. My heart is broken because I'll never see my Sasha again. He is going to another school in another town, living with his father, quite a distance away. Unless I can find one of his pals to get word to him to come, he will not be there. So that is a distant dream also.

After the sermon I've been talking to myself to come to grips with should I go or not. I do have several more days to submit my paperwork. I'm really torn. Dear reader, if you have it in your heart, please pray that I receive guidance.

It's finally snowing. The weather guessers say only an inch or so, but at least winter is here. I really is quite pretty.

I'll be back again when I make my decision.

God bless you all.

Fair sailing ahead

After freaking out for two days, I think I have gained control of myself. I wasn't afraid of getting cut, but the shock of all of my co-workers packing up their belongings, en-masse, and being escorted from their work stations was very emotional for me. Several of the women were in tears and I know several of the men with more than five years tenure were also upset.

Once I settled back, I realized EXACTLY what my task will be for the next few weeks and it is enormous. Really not a one person job. I awoke early yesterday morning after a fitful sleep and decided I didn't like being twisted in nine directions. I got a pad of paper and wrote down what needed to be done. Then I rewrote it in order of timeline and priority. This made sense to my methodical mind. If I put in an hour or so, every day over this long weekend, I can be in a good place to proceed on Tuesday.

I went to the office yesterday, picked up some things I could organize from home and completed those tasks. I emailed myself some forms which I will get printed today, after church. With these simple things done, tomorrow I can round out the procedure.

With all of this in place, I came home, had a nice lunch and while watching TV slept for over an hour, in my chair - with my Jakie on my chest. He seemed to know I needed soothing. I baked a Tombstone for dinner,(No, not a real one, a pizza.)and indulged; went to bed early and managed to have a decent sleep for the first time since Wednesday. I had been warned that something was coming down and to expect something. The sleep was needed and today I am refreshed.

I also had a talk with myself and realized that I had let this whole thing govern my life and that has to stop right now. I need this job, but my life is also very important too. I made time for me this morning and will continue to do so through the weeks. Even if it is only walking outside to clear my head. Making myself important will give me the strength to move forward.

Today should be a good day. I'm heading out to church now and then will stop by the office for an hour or so. Then the rest of the day is mine. I may spend it cleaning the house - or I may not. :o) We shall see.

God bless you all.